Top 5 toughest cartoon opponents - Heads Up

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10 September 2009, Created By: Ronnie Schwartz
Top 5 toughest cartoon opponents - Heads Up
You didn't seriously think that only humans in the 3-dimensional world enjoyed poker did you?

How naive.

How mortally exclusive.

The nerve we have as humans to presume poker exists singularly for us to enjoy.

The truth of the matter is that this fine game we've enjoyed for decades has branched out and in this extension it has produced some of the finest players the game, if not us, has ever seen.

With that we present to you the 5 fiercest cartoon No-Limit heads up poker players in the world.

These players come to the table with a full toolbox of skills and tactics. They also take immense pleasure insuring your most embarrassing demise for all railbirds and television viewers.

5) Mr Burns: Known for his apathetic humanity and his cut throat approach to currency accumulation, it is a little known fact that Charles Montgomery Burns was in fact a $0.01 - $0.02 limit grinder on Titan Poker  in the early 1920's when he had but a suitcase and a sly grin to his name. Having built an empire from the felt up, this is one grumpy old man you don't want to sit face to face with when it's down to two.

4) Yosemite Sam: Three words describe why you don't want to play Yosemite Sam heads up for the win: "Pent Up Aggression".  Not many people know the fury that begets from a lifetime of failure chasing the same elusive bunny. Sam does two things in life: Chase Bugs and stack fools. What he lacks in rabbit corralling he makes up for at the tables. Your only chance to take this man down is to get him off his game and get him tilted. Recommended authorial tip; protect your hand with a carrot. It's your only shot. Insta-tilt.

3) Stewie: A ruthless genius with world-conquering aspirations. World beware, this young buck takes no prisoners and, aside from frequent bouts of uncontrollable napping, will do whatever is necessary to defeat you.  * Note: Legal age requirements for tournament entry vary for certain human/cartoon NL tournaments.

2) Geppetto: Perhaps nothing in the history of cartoonkind has ever been more conniving and cruel than the private Heads Up home games Geppetto would hold between himself and his carved companion Pinocchio. Session after session,  week after week, year after year, Geppetto would mercilessly take this poor wooden boys money. The repeated beatings even drove the ductless marionette to scientifically indiscernible tears. Although Pinocchio could do nothing about his uncontrollable tell (you know, the nose thing), and even though Geppetto never truly sharpened his reading ability other than against his puppet friend, he gained immeasurable knowledge of the game strictly from the sheer quantity of hands the two played against each other. He is a formidable opponent to say the least.

1) Road Runner: He's quick, he's agile, he's elusive and he's one hell of a NL tournament player. Much like his televised athleticism and cunning have shown viewers for years, the Road Runner seems to also possess an uncanny ability to know exactly what his opponents next move will be. It is as though with his small brain he is able to read his combatants mind. Wile E. Coyote can certainly attest to this.

As if this psychic ability weren't enough to be blessed with, the Road Runner is also known on the Acme Poker circuit to be one of, if not the most, fortuitous players in the game. Often missing the flop he will confidently make bold check-raises knowing that the turn and river will be lucky for him and when he hits on both streets he boastfully laughs, points and shouts....."That, my friend, in the biz, is what they call Runner Runner Road Runner"

 

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