Signs you might be a degenerate gambler

The Money
You'll never win any of this...

Admit it. You've picked up that gambling addiction brochure and asked yourself - "Is this me?"

You've looked at some of the signs. Chances are if you play poker you've taken a turn spinning the roulette wheel or throwing the dice. You've asked yourself if you're addicted to money or if your entire family is affected by your gambling.

It's pretty standard. The problem with a lot of that self-help material is that it misses the real signals that you're a pathological gambler.

It happens to some of the world's best poker players, so why can't it happen to you?

Without further ado here's a list of some of the top signs you might be a degenerate gambler (in no particular order) that might be a little closer to reality:

  • You won't travel anywhere that doesn't have a computer that can run Internet poker.
  • You ask people if they'll stake you and they just laugh.
  • You go busto every day.
  • Your name is T.J. Cloutier.
  • You post on the 2+2 message boards.
  • The PokerStars Sunday Million is your equivalent of church.
  • You golf with Phil Ivey, Erick Lindgren, Daniel Negreanu, Phil Hellmuth, Dewey Tomko or Doyle Brunson.
  • You spend more on prop bets at the WSOP than you do on buy-ins.
  • Some nights the last thing you can remember is losing a $16K pot with A-J vs. KK. It gets fuzzy after that.
  • You live for the Gold Coast Buffet.
  • Your endorsements include energy drinks, fast food restaurants and malt liquor.
  • You are not legally allowed to set foot in the United States.
  • You lose your money, pet, wife, kids, pride, life, lunch, soul, parking space, house and car due to gambling.
  • You forget to pick your grandma up from the airport because you're at the poker table.
  • You find yourself making prop bets on anything you can see from the poker table whether it be what's on TV, the color of the flop or how much money Johnny Chan's shirt cost.
  • You look down to see what your pocket cards are and realize they're Uno cards. You bet out anyway.
  • You keep muttering to yourself about winning the Main Event someday but even if you did, it wouldn't erase your gambling debt.
  • You are a co-owner of the Ultimate Blackjack Tour.
  • Slot machines sound like beautiful music to you.
  • Everybody is packing heat in the poker games you play.
  • You insist on knowing how much an item costs in "Big Blinds."
  • You are the bookie for your kid's t-ball league.
  • Casino managers start salivating when you enter the building.
  • You will tell a bad beat story to absolutely anybody who will tolerate you.

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