You demanded it, and we delivered.
OK demand might be a bit strong. Jokingly suggested, perhaps. But it's here anyway.
When word got out international Adult film star Puma Swede would attend the 2013 Battle of Malta a clamor went up for her thoughts on how certain professional poker players would fare in the, err, Adult film department.
We forwarded the request and, lo and behold, we now know what type of sausage Puma Swede thinks Gus Hansen has.
Don't shoot the messenger; it's all a lark. And don't say we didn't warn you. You can't unread it. Rankings below.
By Puma Swede
The name "Jungleman12" makes me assume he has a 12" vine between his legs that he swings better than Tarzan in the jungle.
Judging by the picture he looks like he's about to fall asleep. I think he'd be more of a romantic-type lover than a gonzo performer. That is if he didn't fall asleep before the cameras start rolling;)
His age 23 gives him potential though. I rate him 6/10 unless he rips his shirt off, shows off some tattoos and does the helicopter in which case I'd give him 8/10.
_Theah_, sorry, the name has to go. Sounds as boring as a cup of tea :) I suggest Mr. Viking if he can live up to that name...
His look in this pic is innocent but I think he can release some Norwegian Viking moves between the sheets :) I'd keep his wholesome look and let him surprise the ladies.
He's 40 so he'll have to work overtime to catch up. I rate him 7/10. If his ambition is to 'win all there is to win' - he better win the ladies over. If he doesn't deliver what I expect he'll be sent back to Vegas to the poker tables :)
Why the sad face Daniel? Instead of Kid Poker I'd name him Kid Pok'em. Since he appeared in a Kate Perry music video I think he will hit fame by doing a celebrity sex tape or tapes.
He's Canadian so they'll name a Canadian bacon after him too when the tapes are out. I think his skills in bed and in front of the camera are 6/10, he does'nt look so enthusiastic.
But he still banks from banging famous chicks so the Kid Pok'em can look how ever the f*ck he wants to :)
The Great Dane is an awesome name. Bet there is a huge Danish 'pölsa' hiding in his pants. He has a cheeky smirk and I think the ladies would like this former '50-sexiest-guy' so I have faith in him and think he'd be 8/10 in performing.
He can keep his style with the suit cause he looks like he could be a gentleman.
Perfect, he makes a career switch from poker to porn and he becomes The Tiger Woods of Porn.
He has confidence from his poker success and looks like he could be a little bit of a bad boy so he later gets arrested for shooting a POV scene at Steve Wynn's private poker table.
Performs with confidence so he gets 8/10.
OK, I might be a little patriotic here, but this Finn is a hot piece of ass. His name doesn't matter. Women & men will love him.
They will just be talking about THAT FINN. He'll win the 'Male Newcomer of the year' straight away and 'Hottest scene in a sauna' too :) GQ magazine will name him 'Stud of The year' 5 years in a row.
This Finn will do good as long as he doesn't consume too much Koskenkorva and cancel shoots because of a hangover. I rate his potential 9/10. You guys have his number by the way? lol
Boys like him I eat for breakfast ;) He might need to leave the computer for a bit though, go outside, catch a tan and style his hairdo :)
I'd skip his poker name and go with his real name Viktor Blom, suits him. Assuming he spent a lot of time playing online poker and not banging chicks, he'll be a little slow at start.
Soon he'll realize getting paid to bang is more fun than playing poker though. Since Victor is one of those that will stay young looking for a long time he'll be humping if front of the camera when he is 60 and still looks like 40.
I rate him 7/10.
Ken will have to find his Barbie. He'll be famous cause he starts making Ken + Barbie porn. Gets sued by various companies. Appears on Oprah with Barbie and they'll get their own reality show.
Ken needs a more plastic look and perfect teeth and he can totally be The Ken. His moves in bed are as exciting as the the real Ken doll is flexible. A 5/10 but who cares.
Barbie doesn't want to ruin her perfect curls and make up from some wild sex anyways so everyone is happy :)