The PokerListings Daily 3-Bet is a receding hairline, a blurry headshot and just enough charm in our afternoon poker news profile to send us a coffee-date request.
Have something you'd like to se in a future 3-Bet? Let us know in the comments.
Today in the 3-Bet we find the EPT Malta High Roller taking off like a rocket, an early Polish surge in the GPI POY race and online dating advice (kind of) from Vicky Coren Mitchell.
1) EPT Malta High Roller Hits 246
The buzz of the first-ever Global Poker Masters. An 1,285-player IPT main event. An 800k Main Event first-prize. Standing-room only at the European Poker Awards.
It's pretty safe to say a week or so into the inaugural EPT Malta poker festival it's been a smashing success in several regards.
Stache, glorious stache.
The icing on the cake?
A massive 246-entry turnout for today's €10k High Roller. That's a big number for a High Roller any way you slice it.
Also a big number? The €2.4m or so that put in the prize pool so far.
Official payout numbers are yet to be released with reg/re-entries still open but needless to say the players are happy. And it's a fitting way to round off another high-water mark for poker in Malta.
Among the usual suspects already rising up the chip counts are Phil Gruissem, Max Silver, Adrian Mateos, Dominik Nitsche and Toby Lewis. Check the PokerStars blog for updates.
2) Win Three Events, Rocket Up POY Ranks
Winning 3 events will help your POY cause.
So it goes without saying if you happen to knock off three outright tournament wins in less than a week, as Poland's Dzmitry Urbanovich did in impressive fashion this week in Malta, you're going to reap some benefits.
One, of course, is the €750k or so in your pockets. Another is a dramtic rise in your Player of the Year fortunes.
After winning the €25k High Roller and two side events Urbanovich now finds himself 600 points clear of his nearest competitior - American Joe Kuether - on the current Global Poker Index 2015 POY rankings.
He's also 1,000 points clear of back-to-back WPT title winner Anthony Zinno, which, wow.
Long way to go until the end of 2015, sure. But a 600-point headstart has never hurt anybody. Current Top 10 below; full list on GPI.
- 1. Dzmitry Urbanovich 2,380.48 pts
- 2. Joe Kuether 1,751.76 pts
- 3. Nicholas Petrangelo 1,749.13 pts
- 4. Connor Drinan 1,613.18 pts
- 5. Scott Seiver 1,607.54 pts
- 6. Taylor Paur 1,580.89 pts
- 7. Ivan Luca 1,482.98 pts
- 8. Ramin Hajiyev 1,418.60 pts
- 9. Anthony Zinno 1,396.79 pts
- 10. Vladimir Dobrovolskiy 1,379.81 pts
3) "Peter Will Be Ready to Date Again in About a Year"
Try again, Toby.
Hoping to reel in a 40-year-old married woman with your online dating profile? We've got help for you today.
Vicky Coren Mitchell was once - as recently as last year, even - an esteemed member of Team PokerStars Pro and a two-time EPT Main Event champion.
She's still the first - and only - two-time EPT champ, of course, but as we know parted ways with Team PokerStars over a difference of opinion on casino games.
Sadly that means we haven't heard much from her on the poker scene lately and she's not at EPT Malta.
Despite not being able to claim her as "poker's own" anymore she's still immensely popular and an incredibly funny and talented writer worth checking out when you can.
Case in point: her column for British GQ on online dating profiles.
We won't spoil all of the gems before you get to them so just head there now. "Uneasy lovers" and "weak silent types," take heed.