By Hans Faber
Before we even get started on the high-end hardware, every poker room needs some basics.
Regardless of your income you can't skimp on the beer. A keg of shitty beer might impress in terms of volume but quality over quantity is what matters.
It doesn't hurt to have your opponents a little tipsy but a keg will just make things sloppy and your game will likely devolve accordingly.
Wall-to-wall flatscreens around the room are also essential with a variety of sports on 24/7 to pick from. You can let the dealer decide whether the poker game should be temporarily stopped for key moments on screen.
Also for the wall: a few portraits of the greatest of the great in poker - Phil Ivey, Doyle Brunson, Chip Reese or Stu Ungar, say - can really put your atmosphere over the top.
On to the ultimate poker hardware ...
Akke Functional Art -- The All-In Poker Table
There are a number of options when it comes to your poker table, of course, but when it comes to your primary surface "function" and "art" are both key.
This table is made of 15 different woods including cherry, black walnut and Madagascar Ebony. The base is made of golden pipes and the table is illuminated from below by diamond cut-outs in the table.
World Poker Tour Season XI Player of the Year Matt Salsberg got this poker table as a gift, and we couldn't be more envious.
Check the bottom of this article for a timelapse video on how the table is made.
Geoffrey Parker chipset
If you want to get a little excessive on one piece of equipment, we say the chips and decks are where to do it.
It's gonna require a "small" investment but cards and chips are the bread and butter of every poker game and once you touch a great set of chips, you'll understand why,
If you truly want to make a statement, Geoffrey Parker makes a set of chips that will undeniably put you forever at the top of everyone's home game pecking order.
There's a waiting period if you want to order the set, and once you've transferred the, uhh, $7.5 million, there's a delivery time of 6 to 9 months.
But here's what you get: The case is made of crocodile leather - color choice, all yours. The interior is made of 18 carat gold and diamonds, and this also applies to the 384 chips.
In total there are 22,400 stones in different processes for a total of over 1,000 carats. Four decks of cards are included and all are equipped with a layer of platinum.
As the cherry on top, a dealer button overflowing with diamonds is also included.
Quick reminder: If you're planning a big holiday poker event, best to get your order in now.
The Card Protector
It's a subtle detail, but one that separates you from the average player who just drops a plain old chip on his cards.
You could of course use one of your fancy GP chips above - but then everyone will know you're just skimping, you know?
A jeweler designed this particular chip after declaring regular poker chips "boring." It's got a price tag of $450,000, but it is 22 carat pink gold filled with diamonds.
On one side there's an 8 (a lucky number in Asia) and on the other side a 7 (covering your luck bases). Both consist of 62 small diamonds.
The Economical Humor Option
We realize a $7.5m chip set is, well, a little bit out of range. If you're looking for a more economical option on the chipset front, you can always go the humor route.
People love bacon so you really can't lose with this bacon-inspired set from David Goldklang.
$10m All-In But Worth Every Penny
If you really want to win the ultimate poker home game pissing contest, $10m (give or take) should be enough to outshine all your competing hosts.
Basic cost breakdown:
- House suitable for a signature poker room: $1.5 million (you can't have people over to your parent's house, can you?)
- Redesign/renovations for poker room itself: $475,000
- Poker Table: $75,000
- Poker chip set $7.5 million
- 22 carat chip protector: $450,000
Now all you need to do is the win the 2014 WSOP Main Event to pay for it. Good luck and godspeed.