Frequent player points are a great way to promote extended play; the more you play, the more you earn.

And with your FPPs you can get everything from TVs to cameras to cars to poker clothing (Please don't).

But even though the loyalty programs have gotten better, there are some things you're just never going to be allowed to buy.

But hey, we can still dream can't we?

1. Aces vs. Kings. For 10,000 FPPs not only do you get an 80% chance at a double up you get a 100% chance to tilt your opponent! Sorry, guaranteeing the aces will hold costs another 4,000 points.

2. Two-Outer. Your opponent just bought his aces vs. kings? On the verge of monkey tilt? Quickly hit the FPP store before the flop comes out and for a mere 12,000 points that two-outer will hit.

The benefits are the same as the aces vs. kings item, 100% guaranteed to tilt your opponent! An extra 1,000 points ensures it hits the river for max tilt factor!

Who doesn't like aces vs. kings? I can think of someone.

3. The Board Pairing. Board never pairs when you need it? A paltry 100 FPPs per dollar in the pot and you can fill up by the river!!

4. The Boomswitch. Stuck in a rut? Downswings got you ... well, down? For 100,000 FPPs you can run like god for 10,000 hands. Sorry, can only be used at your current limit.

5. Bladder of Steel. For 50,000 FPPs we can guarantee that you will never have to take a leak in the middle of a session again.

We all know the pain of having to sit out on 8+ tables. With this one time charge you'll be able to play for hours without having to get out of your chair! No more pissjugs! (sorry leatherass)

6. God Mode vs Shortstackers. Never lose another all-in confrontation vs a shortstacker again! For 0 FPPs (that's right zero, nobody likes those hit-and-running SOBs anyway) you can finally bust every shortstacker around. (Hey, I said it's items I wish I could buy.)

7. A Coin Flip When You Actually Need It. This is for the tournament players out there.

Do you win every coin flip vs a 2bb stack but when the big AK vs QQ comes on the final-table bubble you just can't seem to bink? For 8,000 points you can finally win a flip when it matters.

There you have it. Ignoring the logistics of everyone purchasing these items all at the same time, these would all be pretty hilarious.

Hit the comments section for items you wish you could buy with FPPs.