I'm certainly not thrilled about this event.
Unfortunately, I got hit with the ultimate bad beat. A few weeks ago, I received a summons to serve as a petit juror, still being a resident in Delaware as of June 2.
Although I travel often and mostly call Las Vegas my home, I still don't have a Nevada identification card, which they requested when I pulled out the "OH! I don't even live in Delaware anymore!" routine.
I engaged in a battle of wits with the judicial system to explain what type of hardships I was facing, but they failed to understand my situation. Nevertheless, it was ridiculous trying to speak with a live person.
So, I have a whole game plan for tomorrow and I'll reveal my strategy soon. Fortunately my educational background has allowed me to know how each juror is selected. My only fear is that I may be subject to contempt, because I have a slight attitude problem when I am in a bad mood.
I have been having a chain of nightmares of being sequestered to a long murder trial, in which I feel sorry for the 11 other jurors that would have to be witness to my bantering and childlike snootiness for the terrible circumstances.
I need to be in Las Vegas during these times! Yet, I am stuck in Delaware! I have to wake up at an unreasonable hour too! Reporting to the courthouse at 8:30 a.m.?!
I can't bring my cell phones, I can't bring any handheld gaming devices and I certainly can't even bring my iPod. These guys don't even compensate you for your parking sometimes!
So, here's how I'm going to play the juror card:
1. Wake up and shower. I'll probably need some sort of lavender calming stuff because my nerves are going to be frazzled as I know I will not be in a good mood. The idea of sitting without a vast amount of entertainment is absolutely frightening.
I am fidgety, hyperactive and my senses are incredibly alert at all times. If I do not have loud music blasting in my ears, I'll most likely hear every conversation in the entire room and start getting huffy and puffy.
2. Uniform selection is going to be the best. I figure if I pull out my favorite sexy nightclub dress and the highest stripper-like shoes I can find, I'd certainly be able to entertain my own boredom by a somewhat vulgar courtroom experience.
Now, a few years back, I would have totally gone the professionalism route. Tomorrow, I'll be taking on the "Playboy Model" role-playing game. I think it will be quite thrilling to get a rise out of the conservatives that show up.
3. I have yet to decide on how to wear my hair. I am considering something like the "Sexy Bed Hair." This hairstyle simulates the porn star hairstyle. I think it will be quite effective!
4. Bringing a deck of cards and a collection of vampire novels. These people are going to think I am too morbid to even serve as a juror while I challenge people for their lunch money in heads-up poker and read vampire novels in between my matches.
They never said gambling was illegal in the juror room. Since I can't bring my own food, I'm going to have to play for a better meal that is superior to the vending machines.
5. My selection of who I will challenge first will be an easy one. Since my edge is usually against men that have a weakness to blonde charm, I'm going to be searching for the first suit/briefcase gentleman. As soon as I spot him, I'm going to ask him if he plays any variation of poker.
I will then question around to see if there are any former and/or current card game dealers. Hopefully, I'll get lucky because my shuffling skills are lacking due to my online introduction to poker.
6. I'm going to win. This is my challenge. I will be a distraction to the entire judicial procedure and I will be dismissed early, instead of being arrested due to having a bench warrant out for my arrest.
(I pondered the thought of skipping town but was warned that I would be an outlaw! I wonder how much my bail would be set at though.)
7. If I do have to serve and am sequestered for any amount of time, be aware that I will not be a happy "civilian."
8. In any event, I have been very much into karaoke stage attempts and performing. I think I can work on my vocal training scores in the room I will be waiting in. Hey, if I'm going to be there, maybe we will all have a sing-along! Rock Band Jury Duty, here I come!!!
Regardless of my tedious adventures tomorrow in the Superior Courts, I have been able to connect with a lot of old classmates from St. Elizabeth's high school and enjoy my last few days in Delaware.
I thought I was a crazy girl, until I met up with former classmates during my time at my beach house in Delaware. I went down with my surrogate sister, Stephanie (she was my neighbor and babysitter for years - she's also a killer biologist and informs me of new and improved scientific discoveries) and her fiancé, Chuck.
People from my hometown are certainly unique and tons of fun. Did you know that if you drink too much and have a bad case of the spins and drunkenness, peppermint neutralizes the pH in your stomach?
It works and I am always so excited to let people know it does too! Stephanie always reminds me to bring some extra zesty minty freshness anywhere drinking is involved.
We all stayed with my parents at our place on the Rehoboth Bay and went to the Bottle and Cork in Dewey Beach, which is more of a beach party town during the summer. I ended up wandering off and lost my chaperones.
After getting yelled at for my drunken walkouts, I ended up with my old classmates during their beer pong, dice-rolling and card-playing festivities.
It's really eye-opening to see how diverse and fun everyone from my hometown really is. Since being back in Delaware, I have had a bitter taste in my mouth with the "I miss Vegas" itch, but the past few weeks here have been really enjoyable.
Thankfully, I am not the only gamer from St. Elizabeth's. Some of those boys were more degenerate than I ever thought I was! No offense guys; in the gambling world, degenerates can be the biggest winners.
I also had a few exciting dinners this week. If you're ever in Delaware, be sure to check out Mikimoto's for some sushi and of course, Moro. These two restaurants are fairly pricey, but worth the dining experience!
Hopefully, all my old friends will be out in Vegas with me at some point this summer and they'll see what they can do to bring more sexy back to the First State.
I must admit, as we've all grown up since high school, it seems we've all just gotten a lot crazier. Vegas, watch out ... Delaware boys and girls are one of a kind!
--Jennifer "Jennicide" Leigh