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Pick-up artist Sasha Daygame is playing at the 2013 PokerListings Battle of Malta and he speaks to Kara Scott about how he teaches guys to increase their chances of making connections with women. BOM host Kara Scott is skeptical and she takes Sasha to task on pick-up artists' negative reputations.
Kara: Hi, Kara Scott here at the Battle of Malta. And we're a few levels in and I have pulled one of the players out. This is Sasha Daygame. You're playing poker, but you're also well known for being a pickup artist. I have got to tell you, first of all let's have a full disclosure here that the idea of pickup artistry, it leaves a bit of a bad taste to my mouth and I'm sure you get that sometimes from women. So talk to me about how what you do might be different from my perception.
Sasha: It is a bit dirty and even when you said it internally I kind of went, "That's a little dirty." The general forms of pickup out there, they are all about, "Let's get laid, let's meet some chicks, yeah we're awesome!" When you get a little bit ... you've been in it for a while, that starts to change. And, as most guys at this point in life, I actually love women a lot. What I do in life is I just make guys more comfortable being them so they can actually go out and connect with women that they actually have a real connection with not the manipulative stuff where it's like, "If I say this, she'll feel this and then I'll get her." It's more just like, "I like me, I feel good about me, let's go and meet some women."
Kara: I can totally get behind that. There's a lot of people that are shy in the world and might need a little help, conversation skills or understanding, as you say, who they are. I think what really bothers a lot of people, especially women is the negging aspect where it's a power dynamic. I feel relationships shouldn't be a power dynamic.
Sasha: I agree 100% and this is something important I have to say, so most ... if you read the book, The Game which is like a really popular book, all of the pickup artists in that they're in the indirect school. And they believe you should hide your intentions around women. Buy her stuff, buy her a car, pretend you're her friend and then try and fuck her there. That's really messed up, and so I come from the direct school which is the opposite. So if I approach a girl, like if I was to come to you on the street I'll kind of say, "Damn! You look amazing. We should hang out," or, "You're absolutely sexy. We should get to know each other." So we're very upfront with what our intentions are so there's no manipulation. It's just straight up. I'm okay with rejection. If a girl is interested, great. If she's not, that's cool. So I'm totally against all the indirect guys and I make fun of them consistently. I just don't like any of that stuff.
Kara: Okay, you work with some poker players?
Sasha: That being said ... just a quick question for you if I could. I know we've only known each other a short while, but do you want to be my girlfriend?
Kara: I don't. I'm actually engaged, which is an aside, but no. Thank you.
Sasha: Are you happy?
Kara: I'm so happy.
Sasha: Are you going to marry this guy?
Kara: Yeah, I am actually.
Sasha: Damn it. I got nothing for that. All right, I quit.
Kara: I don't mind the direct approach, I got to be honest and there's no negging in there at all, so I'm okay with that at this point. I'm still reserving judgment. But you do work with some poker players, is that right?
Sasha: I do. Well, it's one of those groups of people where like they are genius in one way, but if you're sitting there in front of your computer all the time, you're probably a little bit behind on social skills. So we do get quite a few poker players coming to us for help.
Kara: What would be one of the things, one of the first things that you do with them or for them? What do they need to know from you?
Sasha: Get away from your computer! Be social, that's the most important thing. So you don't necessarily have to ... if you want to get good with them, go out there and hit on thousands of girls, but going and starting conversations with people. If you're buying a bottle of water, don't just buy the water. Ask her how her day is doing. Say hi. Comment on something she's wearing. So being social is key number one and once you get comfortable with talking with people it becomes a lot easier to start actually flirting with girls. So step one, be social, get out of the house, do something.
Kara: Okay, all right. I can see that. Now how would you apply that to the poker table because I do still have a problem with the idea of relationships being a game, but I can see how that might work in poker?
Sasha: There are a lot of similarities between pickup and poker. I wrote an article about it recently. So a lot of tenements are true. If you're aggressive, I don't want to sound like aggressive like take her and throw her over your shoulder, but definitely if you're going to stand there like, "She's looking at me and I'm just going to stand here," nothing is going to happen. You have to go for it. So he who is the boldest will take home the prize. Patience. If you've ever dated a woman, you know what I'm talking about. You've got to have patience, intelligence, creativity all of these things. If you're great with cards, you actually have a lot of the stuff going on the [inaudible 00:04:06] of being great with women is very similar. And, in a way, it can be a little bit tactical, too. But, yeah, same skill set, I think.
Kara: I know a lot of poker players obviously have been in poker for quite a few years now and I think interesting, smart, funny and maybe a niche kind of funny, but it really does work. So I would say if I was the one giving advice, be yourself but as you say, make sure that you're putting yourself out there and actually say the words and go out and meet someone.
Sasha: It's a mix, it's a fine line between being yourself but then being your best self. That's what we're trying to do because yourself might be a guy who wants to stay at home in his pajamas, ordering pizza and just watch movies all the time. Hey, you are being yourself but guess what? You're not going to meet the woman of your dreams. But be yourself and then get comfortable growing as a human being and getting better at everything including women, including poker, including building your business, whatever it is you want to do. You want to find something you love and do it and be good at it. But the problem is if you're really shy with girls and that element is missing from your life, it's really hard to enjoy life when you're single all the time. That sucks and that's what we work on.
Kara: Okay, my side eye is a little less extreme I have to admit and ...
Sasha: I'm your backup. If the marriage, if it all goes terribly wrong, am I on the backup list? Just give me that much.
Kara: I don't know you at all, so I'm going to have to say no.
Sasha: That's unbelievable. You could have at least thrown me a little bone there, the backup plan.
Kara: Got to be yourself, men. Got to be yourself. I'm being myself.
Sasha: Twin sister. Work with me.
Kara: Well, we can be single friends.
Sasha: All right, I'll do it.
Kara: Okay, all right. I'm Kara Scott here at the Battle of Malta.