The PokerListings Daily 3-Bet is a hidden shard of glass, a gusher of a head wound and a desperate climb to the top of the afternoon poker news cage.
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Today in the 3-Bet we find Phil Ivey denied a chance to toss his edge-sorting lawsuit out, Dzmitry Urbanovich continues his epic heater at EPT Malta and somehow, we've found out, you can bet on Wrestlemania.
1) Judge Says Ivey Suit Goes Forward
Well, this is slightly disappointing news. Especially, we'd imagine, if you're Phil Ivey.
A US Federal Judge has decided that Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa's $9.6m lawsuit against Phil Ivey for edge-sorting will go forward to the discovery phase.
Before you ask: Discovery is the "pre-trial procedure in a lawsuit in which each party, through the law of civil procedure, can obtain evidence from the opposing party by means of discovery devices including requests for answers to interrogatories, requests for production of documents, requests for admissions and depositions."
The Judge decided this despite agreeing that Borgata willingly agreed to all of Ivey's requests for the game setup and that all of those requests were lawful.
He also agreed that the 'essential mission of Borgata's casino operation is to encourage patrons to lose money by orchestrating a plethora of deceptive practices, such as loud noises and flashing lights on slot machines, hiding the clocks, making exit signs almost impossible to find, having cocktail waitresses wear revealing clothing, and comping copious amounts of alcohol to loosen up their patrons.'
Which, when you put it that way, also sounds a bit "scammy." Still, no luck for Ivey. No date has been set for the trial yet as far as we can tell but more details on the Judge's decision here.
2) Clear Eyes. Full Bankroll. Can't Lose
Really, Dzmitry Urbanovich? Really?
The stakes were much lower, sure, but Urbanovich knocked off another two final tables and a FOURTH outright tourney win today.
First he finished second in the 27-player €1k Limit Stud Championship for €6,680; now he's just won the 56-player €200 Crazy Pineapple event for €3,260.
Small potatoes compared to the €700k+ he's already banked, but still. When was the last time you made six final tables in a week?
So, so sick. And, according to the PokerStars blog, he's still gunning for more.
Fellow Pole Dominik Panka is is in the final seven of the EPT Malta main event, too, making this a truly gangbusters week for Polish poker. And how often have you heard that?
3) You Can Bet on Fake Sports with Predetermined Outcomes?
So while online poker in the United States continues to go through ridiculous persecution, mind-boggling judicial hoops and outright willful lying by uneducated politicians, we just found out today you can actually bet real money on wrestling events.
Specifically, you can bet on the WWE's flagship event, Wrestlemania, at both Bovada and PaddyPower.
Not licensed, US sportsbooks, mind you. And you may have already known this.
But, as far as we remember from our childhoods, the OUTCOME OF WRESTLING EVENTS IS PRE-DETERMINED.
We won't even get into the massive cognitive dissonance we feel about State-run lotteries, horse racing, Fantasy Sports, Bingo, Seniors' Home raffles and the multi-billions just pissed away on NCAA tournament brackets but, c'mon now.
Somewhere on this earth you can bet on pre-determined sporting events that involve ladders, folding chairs and fake characters named Fandango, Goldust and Jack Swagger.
Can we end this bad dream now?