The quickest and dirtiest way to get this done is probably roulette. Albert Einstein once said that the only to beat roulette was to cheat.
What did he know anyway? The key is to find a lucky wheel! If you're lucky enough to win the first time, let it all ride! Put the whole $350 on the same number and hit it again. The dealers will count out $12,250 and push it in your general direction.
Tip the dealers $2,000, wink at the girl sitting across the table, head straight for the casino cage, and hop in the nearest limo to give you a ride back to your room.
Gambling too risky for you? Figure out some sort of service you can offer. Be creative. Head on down to the local print shop and make up 100 business cards with your phone number and hotel room. Go to The Strip and hand them out. Be safe.
The roulette didn't work or the phone never rang. You lay your head down to go to sleep and realize there is a $100 bill under your pillow. How did that get there? Doesn't matter. Time is short and you need to get to work.
It's too late and no American sports are on. Time to improvise. Find a sportsbook that is still open and hopefully running some dog or horse races in some land far, far away. Look for a dog that is priced at 100-1 and place the bet. Sure the dog might only have three legs, but imagine the weight savings! Nobody said you weren't going to need some luck to pull this off.
The sportsbooks were all closed, but luckily for you the dice never sleep in Vegas. Mosey over to the closest dice table in sight and lay your cash on the felt. Wait for the dice to pass through the shooters until it's your turn to roll - tonight your fate should rest only in your hands.
The smartest way to play craps is to bet the least amount on the pass line possible with the highest amount on the odds behind. What fun is that? The bets you're looking for in this case are located at the center of the table. These long-shot bets with poor odds will pay anything from 7-1 all the way up to 30-1.
If you have a problem figuring out what to bet on, find the most degenerate-looking person on your table and ask them for advice. They'll be more than happy to help.
In the '70s a young Bobby Baldwin was down to just a few hundred dollars when he decided to take a chance on the craps table and ended up walking away with over $20,000. This win helped finance his bankroll and was part of the reason he decided to stay in Las Vegas. Look at him now, CEO of MGM Mirage properties. He did it; why can't you?
Because you're not Bobby Baldwin, that's why. You listened to the degen at the dice table and minutes later you're flat broke again. Imagine that!
Fresh out of ideas, you head back to your hotel room to try and forget this night ever happened. You put the television on and try to go to sleep. A commercial comes on for one of the dozens of companies that exist in Vegas to loan you money. They promise fast and easy cash and low interest rates. Instant approval!
You've already hit the low point of your life, why not dig a little deeper? You hitchhike to the nearest one and you find the most they will give you is $1,000. That's better than nothing; you're back in action!
You hear that blackjack offers some of the best odds in Vegas. Find yourself a good game and buy in. Purple chips only please (you get two chips). This way you have two bets in case you need to double down.
The way to minimize the edge in games like this is to play as few hands as possible. Get in; get out. Strike when the iron is hot! You can choose to try to win 20 hands in a row but that's nearly impossible. Instead keep doubling your bet. With a bit of luck you'll be in and out in five minutes.
Wait a second though: before you sit down and try some blackjack, there is one last option.
You came to Vegas to play poker. Satellites usually run around the clock and they have $1,000 ones running almost up until the start of the Main Event. If you can't win one of those, what business do you have playing anyway? Go down to the satellite room, get in line and take a shot.
You play well and you get heads-up and you're about even in chips with your opponent. He offers you an even chop but you're here to play to win. You politely decline and say you would rather play it out.
You look down and you see pocket aces! You get all-in and are delighted to be up against ace-king. The flop is A-3-T and you're well ahead. The turn is a Q but the river is a J! You just suffered the most horrifying beat of your entire life! The Main Event is about to start and you're not even close to being in it.
Left with nothing, your head hanging low, you leave the satellite room. Out of options, you begin to wonder what brought you to Vegas in the first place.
As you walk down the hall, you see Phil Ivey. The same one who's always on TV. He's offering to stake anybody and everybody who asks. You go up to him and ask if he'll put you into the tournament. He tosses you two $5,000 Bellagio chips with a wink and a smile. You're in the game! Now get out there and win!
Then you wake up, gunk in your eyes, and look around the gloom of your hotel room in misery.
If all else fails, feel free to come prepared and win a seat online beforehand.