While the "special preview concert" of the one-hour show won't occur until July 4 and 5, the folks in charge of the production gave this reporter special access to a dress rehearsal so we here at PokerListings.com could give our readers the skinny on what's sure to be the nuts at this year's WSOP.*
In the press release for All-In: The Poker Musical, none other than the great Phil Hellmuth stated, ""Through the lyrics of the songs and style of music, we see not only who these final nine players are, but we are able to see ourselves, our families, and our world."
We found the signature songs of the characters so appealing that we decided a sneak preview of each number was exactly what our readers needed. So without further ado, here's a look at the lineup and their signature tunes.
Johnson Jones - "I Ain't Drawing Dead Yet"
Old-timer Johnson Jones has been playing poker since the days of one-card Stud, hustling Texas cowpokes and oil men out of their cash before he was forced to move to Las Vegas to outrun all the players he fleeced. His song, "I Ain't Drawing Dead Yet," tells his tale succinctly:
I might be behind, but I got outs
These kids don't know what this game's all about
Until me and my maker done met
I ain't drawing dead yet!
Richie Patterson - "Raise Raise Raise"
21-year-old Internet phenom Richie Patterson, well-known for his hyper-aggressive style, has been playing online since he built a bankroll through freerolls in high school. He is in position to become the youngest Main Event winner in history. "Raise Raise Raise" sums up his philosophy quite well:
Why call and make them think you're weak?
If you limp and fold you're a freak
I don't have the patience to muck cards for days
So I'm gonna raise, raise, raise!
Theobald "Scooter" Belinglophe - "Money Don't Mean Nothing"
As CEO of MegaGloboCorp, Theobald "Scooter" Belinglophe doesn't care about the big prize so much as he wants the glory of beating poker's best players. In All-In, he sings:
Stocks and bonds don't make me quiver,
And a raise from you, kid, don't make me shiver.
You'll never see a card for free
'Cause money don't mean nothing to me.
Bob Smith - "Doing It For the Kids"
Bob Smith was just a mid-level manager for a giant retail chain before he won a $1 WSOP Main Event satellite on PokerStars. Now that he's here, he's trying to avoid any major mistakes because he has a goal:
This money sure means a lot to me,
My girls will grow up smart and happy, you'll see
I sure hope my luck doesn't hit the skids
'Cause I'm just doing it for the kids
Sven Potssen - "Monsterpotten"
The lyrics to aggressive Swede Sven Potssen's song, "Monsterpotten," are indecipherable due to Potsen's guttural death metal vocals and the heavy double bass drum, but all we can assume is that he loves to drag a giant pot with a bluff.
Phan Tran - "Cocktails!"
Phan Tran escaped Vietnam by boat with his family when he was just a baby and ended up becoming one of poker's most recognizable faces. He gets into his opponents' heads by making them think he cares more about free drinks than the game at hand:
I laugh in your face and show you my bluff
I take all your chips but that's not enough
I'm gonna bring every one of you to your knees -
Cocktails on the final table, please!
Jennifer Wilson - "I'm Just a Girl"
Jennifer Wilson is only the second woman in WSOP history to make the final table of the Main Event, following in the footsteps of Barbara Enright. Unfortunately the producers of All-In seem to have given her short shrift, skimping on the songwriting budget in favor of having her cover No Doubt's hit song "Just A Girl" in skimpy attire.
Nigel Bennington - "Dreadfully Sorry!"
How British uber-nit Nigel Bennington ever got to the final table is a wonder - he folds more than PokerListings.com reporter Owen Laukkanen does under the gun. What we do know is that Nigel is the single most polite player in the history of poker:
Oh dear, I'm dreadfully sorry!
I didn't mean to flop that straight on you
Please ask the tournament director
If it's legal for me to double through
Phil Hellmuth - "I Can Dodge Bullets, Baby!"
Phil Hellmuth makes a surprise appearance in the final nine of this Main Event, which is how we know it's a work of fiction. We were only able to sit through the first five minutes of the Poker Brat's monologue about how he makes the greatest lay-downs in poker before we had to get back to covering the preliminary events of the WSOP. We're sure we've heard it all before, though.
* - Totally, unquestionably, irrevocably untrue.