Things $50K Can Do
- Adopt 138 World Vision children at $30 a month per child for four years
- Buy an apartment in Buenos Aires, Argentina
- Get one lap dance a day, plus an extra one on your birthday, for the next six years
- Wallpaper a room with wall surface-area < 75,000 square feet.
- Live in a suite at Bellagio Hotel for approximately five months
- Send your favorite kid to Law School at Penn State and still have about $4,450 left to blow on some cash games
- Buy 1.25 million popsicle sticks off of Ebay, delivery included. Why? Because you can.
- Get a mail-order bride. Well I don't really know the specifics, but $50K will surely send you in the right direction; you'll at least be able to talk to some prospects.
- You can play in pretty much every event you want in the 2007 World Series, provided that you cash every once in a while, and you avoid the $50K H.O.R.S.E. Event.
- Or, you can play in the $50,000 H.O.R.S.E. Event, which is what 148 well-known and unknown members of the poker world did today.
With this buy-in, you are guaranteed a seat at a table that gives at least two feet of space between you and the rail; you also will be ensured a chair that does not wobble in the least bit. If you find that your chair is not satisfactory, it will be efficiently exchanged by one of the 15 floor men who are seriously and responsibly scouring the tournament's centre aisle, looking for rule breakers.
You get a whole two hour dinner break - not the standard 90 minute one - which means you can make a couple extra bad-beat/got my aces cracked phone calls or get in a couple more rounds at the buffet.
But wait! Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Before you venture off on your own dinner-time escapade, please, consider the following option, considerately provided by the WSOP:
***FREE dinner at Fiore's Steakhouse, where you can carry on bantering wittily with your fellow star poker players, minus the ESPN cameras and microphones. So you can actually say what you really want to say, even if you are not that verbally acute.
We still haven't gotten to the key prize in the H.O.R.S.E. Entrant's gift basket. This is something that every poker player dreams to have, from the day they thumb the felt at their very first WSOP event: The Golden Key.
This Golden Key is your admittance into the big boys' club. Even if you are not a boy, you are still a big boy.
This means you are confident enough in your poker skills that you are willing to put up $50K in a tournament that gives you only a 10% chance of winning your money back; that is, if we take into account only the draw of the cards - no skill included. With some skill, you could improve your chances, but keep in mind that your fellow entrants are not Fisher Price poker players. You're battling with the best of the best.
The tournament also recognizes you as someone who can actually afford to play in a $50K event - whether you mortgaged your house to do so or dipped into your kid's college account - no one needs to know. What matters is that you're here, you're playing, and everyone knows it.
Your Golden Key to the club distinguishes you as "real" poker player. You don't only play Hold'em. Oh no. You don't even stop at Omaha. You can play Stud, Hi-Lo, even that crazy weird Razz game! Hopefully no one will notice your aggressive play during the former and "strategically" folded hands in the latter.
Playing in this event is like getting your first car. You've reached a level of pokerdom that can really only come with experience or money, and every move you make, may and will be scrutinized in the public eye. It's not like playing in the shrouded tent in a small $1,500 Omaha event. This is the real deal.
Let's be honest. It's pretty cool to play at a table where you're guaranteed to be mouthed off by Mike Matusow, glared at by Johnny Chan or be propped by Barry Greenstein. And the crowd will most likely think you're someone famous, and maybe you'll get the chance to autograph a shirt or something.
If you're really lucky, and if you really can play poker, you might even cash out on top - a whopping first prize pay of $2,276,832.
And the money will hardly matter - you'll have bragging rights for the next 12 months, and be the envy of pretty much every professional poker player in Las Vegas.
Oh yeah, and you can refill your kid's savings account, and maybe buy him some toys.