Part two of two of poker pro Matt Stout's blog about his recent trials and tribulations with high-stakes tournament poker.

More recently, I've had even more close calls to big money (although not quite as big as the other two). Just a week before the WSOP started in Vegas, I finished 13th in the WSOP Circuit main event in New Orleans.

First place was about $380k in that tournament. Then at the WSOP I finished 13th again, this time in the $3k NL event won by John Phan (which I obviously blogged about already in practically epic detail). First place there was over $400k.

Then a couple weeks ago I had what I guess you could look at as the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the biggest online donkament of the week, every week, for years now - the PokerStars Sunday Million.

I have been playing this godforsaken tournament nearly every Sunday since I was 18 years old and it was known as the "Sunday $250k Guaranteed."

Despite the fact that the average player in this tournament satellited in for 70 frequent player points and has the poker IQ of your typical garden vegetable, I have never in my life been able to make the final 50 of this tournament, let alone the final table.

God bless the PokerStars Sunday Million.

Last Sunday, I found myself sitting near the chip leaderboard from the early-middle stages of the tournament until we were down to three tables.

With the blinds at $60/$130k, I had a relatively big stack of about $4 million. However, one questionable resteal attempt from the BB with 6♥ 9♥ against a button raise failed against A♣ Q♥ and cost me nearly half of my stack.

On the very next hand, the same player opened from the cut-off and I moved in with A♥ Q♣. This time he called with 7♦ 7♥, and things were looking good on a flop of A♦ 8♦ 3♣.

However, he hit running diamonds to eliminate me in 23rd place for under $4k ... a far cry from the $200k+ that awaited the winner of that circus.

I understand the ins and outs of tournament variance about as well as anyone could after a few years of relying on tournament winnings as my sole source of income. I know I have experienced some positive variance and some negative variance, just like everyone else who plays.

I acknowledge that I am lucky just to have never gone broke!!! At the same time, I have run pretty bad in crucial spots such as these in big live events.

Although I have become a bit jaded and occasionally can't muster up the fire within to play my A-game, I can confidently say I haven't lost my love for the game ... and thank God for that.

However, I may need a break pretty soon. Those of you who know me know the story, but for those who don't I'll explain how I ended up playing professionally. My 21st birthday conveniently fell during winter break of my senior year of college.

Stout: Still taking a semester off.

I spent the entire break grinding cash games and small tournaments around Atlantic City ... on borrowed money, since I was the standard, flat-broke college student.

I found a little bit of success in a short period of time. I had paid back the loan and had a bankroll of about $5,000 after the month-long break. I arrived back at school to find a BIG surprise.

Apparently, there was a problem with my student loans that needed to be straightened out before I could return to school. They had trouble contacting me by mail and e-mail, being that they couldn't find my new residence in the South Tower of the Tropicana Casino ... oops.

I scrambled to fix the issue, but by the time I could get back into my classes it was about three weeks into the semester. Exams usually begin on the fourth week, so I'd have been in a tough spot if I decided to try to jump in that late.

So I decided that I would take *one semester* off ... which coincidentally provided me ample time to spend in Atlantic City.

Considering you're reading this right now, it's pretty obvious that this semester off proved to be a very profitable one. After back-to-back final tables in the weekly Saturday $340 tournament netted me $10,500, my friend Mike "KrustyTheClown" Hofeld convinced me to take a shot at the WSOP Circuit event at Caesars in Atlantic City.

After bombing out of the first $300 preliminary event early on a coin flip, I grinded some $75 sit-and-go tournaments and won two $500 seats in my first three satellites. I used one for the second event, which had 406 entrants.

I ended up chopping the tournament five-handed when I was second in chips and took home over $33k. Not bad for someone who spent most of his previous semester at school living primarily on Easy Mac and ramen noodles!

It has been over two years since then, and I'm glad to still be making a living at something I love to do. And it truly is what I love to do. An article by Paul Wasicka I just read reminded me that there's a huge difference between being "burnt out" from the grind (among other things) and losing your love for the game.

Wasicka: Huge difference between being "burnt out" from the grind and losing your love for the game.

I have a couple of friends who have told me they're losing the love, and I honestly feel bad for them. It's not just from running bad either - one is up well into six figures this year after making the final table of EPT Monte Carlo.

I still fall asleep while my brain is permeated with thoughts of odds and hands I played that day ... or last week ... or three years ago. I reminisce about huge pots that I've won on sick reads, but I also reflect on hands I played poorly and wonder where I could have improved and perhaps won a tournament that I didn't.

I wake up wondering where I should play that day, and what kind of opponents and situations I will encounter. Although I may be burnt out in some ways, the fire for this sick, twisted game still burns deep within me, and that's not going to change any time soon.

That being said, some things are going to need to change soon. Before I started rambling, my point was that I'm supposed to be a college student on hiatus. I have about a heavy year's worth of classes left, and I need to check what my college's regulations are regarding lapse in enrollment.

Some colleges won't accept credits after five years. That'd be pretty brutal, considering I already have about as many credits as most college students need to graduate.

Once again, I am very grateful to be making a living at what I love to do. I drive an Infiniti G35 and have enough money to travel the tournament circuit, but I'm still renting my houses and fly coach.

If I don't have that score that enables me to settle down, buy a house, and stop trying to get to every single major tournament for another shot at the goal within the next year, I will likely head back to school and reevaluate my goals from there.

Stout: Due for a big score.

While I highly doubt I'll ever quit playing poker, I need to make something big happen soon to really feel like I haven't been wasting these past few years.

I've heard time and time again, "You're due for your big score." Although sometimes it is just encouragement from my fans and friends, I've also heard this from some of the top players in the world who have been there and know what it takes.

They see it in me, and they are just waiting to see me be crowned the next World Poker Tour champion or win a WSOP bracelet.

I hope to give them what they are expecting. And soon.

I'd also like to thank all of my fans and friends who have supported me online and in real life over the years. I think people sometimes underestimate how much this support motivates them and they don't take the time out to say thanks.

I have an incredibly long list of people I could thank here, including my parents, girlfriend, all of my railbirds, and the mentors I've had along the way. To all of them I just want to say THANK YOU!!!

You'll all be invited to the victory party once I get out of this rut and win a WPT event. ;-)

--Matt Stout

"All In At 420"

More blogs from Matt Stout:

• Running Bad Part 1
• WSOP Event 32: $1,500 No-Limit Hold'em
• WSOP Event 29: $3,000 No-Limit Hold'em Part 1
• WSOP Event 27: $1,500 No-Limit Hold'em