Just kidding about the doom switch - PokerStars made it clear to me via e-mail that a "doom switch or bad beat button" does not exist. The fact of the matter is that poker is an extremely streaky game.
You're going to have great weeks and months and you will have terrible weeks and months. It just comes with the territory.
When you are running well poker seems like the easiest game in the whole wide world. It may seem for a while that you can literally do no wrong. Your hands are holding up, all your decisions are easy and the money just keeps flowing in.
Hell, even when you do make that rare mistake you get to hit one of those miraculous rivers you always see.
Then there are the opposite days, or sometimes even weeks. Where it seems like everything you do is wrong, as if the entire universe is conspiring against you so that you can't book a win.
It feels like all your opponents can see your cards. You finally get aces and it gets folded around to you in the big blind; you finally flop a set and the guy check-folds - it's downright maddening.
I personally don't know which part of the downswing is worse, the constant lack of action on your good hands or the continuous suckouts. You flop a set and get all-in versus a flush draw and it hits; you make a flush or a straight and the board always pairs; and when you're in a downswing it feels like every time the board pairs the guy has the boat.
Between those two and then never hitting a draw, it's enough to drive you up the wall. Nothing I've experienced is as disheartening as a lengthy downswing.
What's the best way to get over a downswing?
I've always subscribed to ancient voodoo methods. I would buy a pack of cards burn them one by one, keeping the ace of spades. I would then sacrifice my lucky card protector to the poker gods by throwing it into traffic.
Next, place the ace of spades under your pillow. After a good sleep, wake up, shave your head and chug a Red Bull. Then fire up six tables and you're cured!!!
But in all seriousness, no magic formula will ever break your unlucky streak. The only thing that will get you through a downswing is patience and playing good, fundamentally strong poker.
After each session take some time and go over your hands - see if it is all bad luck or if you actually do have some leaks in your play. Sometimes it's good to get back to basics, focus on playing in position, keeping control of the pot size, good table selection, etc.
Eventually everything will come around and you can take that "... is hating poker" off your Facebook status, and once again rekindle your love affair with the game.