I like to make nonsensical assumptions. Some call it a leak. I call it a gift. Sure you could make the argument that I'm practically never correct but the satisfaction I derive from the 0.08% of the time that I am correct is immeasurable.
As such, I proceed fearlessly along this path of unfounded predictions and unsubstantiated prognostications.
As a gesture of goodwill I have decided to open my treasure chest of foresight to the pokerlistings faithful and profess, with unquantifiable confidence, my vision for the final results of the 2009 WSOP ME.
Having gone through all November Nine player video bios - it is time to make my predictions available to the anxious public. Let's begin. We shall travel this path alphabetically and kick things off with the affable Brit Mr James Akenhead.
What do we know about James Akenhead? He's English. He goes into the final table as the small stack. He drives trains. Well, I should say, he "used to" drive trains. Now he can buy one. But I digress. It's poker we're here to talk about. Let's take a look at the tape. All the information is there.
Did you hear that? At 0:54. Listen carefully. "I'm over the moon". Sounds like a figure of speech but you can rest assured that that was far from accidental. "Hey Darvin, I'm comin' to get ya!".
Unfortunately for Mr. Akenhead, simply passing Darvin Moon will not guarantee a bracelet (but that is info I will divulge in a later prognostication).
I predict that James will win a few early pots and will get the double up that he will be spending the next 3 months praying for. Once he has a more comfortable stack to maneuver with he will be a formidable challenge.
Sadly, Akenhead's rapidly accumulating chip stack will be met by an even quicker downfall.
A disgruntled Londoner who had made the floor in the Rio poker room his bed since September in order to secure a front row seat comes not for the love of the game but rather for vengeance.
The heckler, eventually escorted from the premises, will howl "choo-choo" and "all aboard" during every pensive decision that Akenhead makes and the subsequent flashbacks to his more trying days as a train conductor will unleash his inner tilt.
He goes busto before he can regain his composure.
When interrogated for explanation, the bitter railbird sited an evening in 2003 when an unannounced stop on his evening train forced him to be late for the debut screening of Daddy Day Care.
"I'm pretty sure they are supposed to announce the stop. I was 23 minutes late. Today is my vengeance. Today is my independence day!"
That particular train actually does not have an intercom.
After increasing the recommended dosage of his medication, the man was sent back to England.
Prediction: His game is solid but his enemies are fierce. My instincts flutter.
James Akenhead Main Event WSOP 4th place finisher!
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